May 21, 2014- Music

What genre of music do you most like to listen to? How does it make you feel?

I listen to all types of music, but my favorite is country. Growing up I hated country, but right around my 25th birthday I fell in love with it. Every time I listen to it it's hard for me to be sad. I get excited, happy, and carefree when I listen to it. the stories and emotions that country music provides is unlike any other genre. Even though I live in California, my heart is now country.

May 20, 2014- Fascinating

What fascinates you?

Something that fascinates me is birds. I love watching them fly. To have that ability and kind of freedom would be amazing. The way they move in the sky is so amazing, and calming, to watch.

May 19, 2014- One Word Lifestyle

In one word describe your lifestyle.

 Now, looking at that word...What do you love about it? What do you feel you want to change? How does the thought of changing it make you feel?

If I had to describe my lifestyle in one word it would be safe.

To me, I feel safe. I am very much a creature of habit and love consistency in my life. Surrounding myself in a positive environment, with people who I care about and who care about me, is when I thrive the most. I don't take a lot of risks, but I also don't avoid trying new things. I am very good about speaking up or stepping out when it would hold me back if I otherwise did not. I feel safe with myself, which is what I have been working towards these past few years.

When I look at the word safe I picture laying on the couch, wrapped up in a blanket, with nothing bad from the outside world being able to touch or harm me. The word safe is one those words that give me a warm, fuzzy feeling. For me, there is nothing wrong about the word safe. I love feeling and living safe.

The only thing I don't like about the word safe is the worry I get about getting stuck in a rut. I do love constancy, but I don't like complacency. I don't want to get stuck and be afraid to step out of my safety net when it's necessary. I don't want to change feeling safe, but I want to make sure my worry does not come true.

Changing my safe lifestyle scares me because I think the only way it will change is when the unexpected forces it to change. I can do things that will be unsafe out of my own free will and that is fine. It is the change that I am forced to do that makes me nervous. But like I have said in the past, I'm not as scared of the unexpected as I use to be. It definitely still is scary, but I know that I would be able to be handle it and get back to feeling safe.

May 18, 2014- Feeling Free

Do you feel free? If you don’t, what is it that’s weighing you down? How can you change your situation?

 Feeling free of unnecessary stress and strains is an important step towards achieving a sense of well-being.

I don't feel free. I still have some weight on my shoulders. There are two things that are weighing me down. The first, and least heavy, is that I still have debt I want to pay off. With having this debt, I can't start to save money to eventually move out on my own. Now I have done a lot in the past few months in making a huge dent in my debt, but I still have one credit card to go. I'm hoping to have that paid off by the end of Summer. (Note: I still have my car to pay off, but that is a 4 1/2 year commitment. It is not part of the weight of debt I feel holding me down.) When that final payment is made I will no longer feel weighed downed by it.

The other thing that makes me not feel free is I am still dealing with my issues with anxiety and depression. I have come a long way and I do not feel weighed down with anxiety anymore. Yes, I still have it from time to time. It's mostly when it is appropriate. Other times, it is so minimal that it doesn't even feel like I'm having anxiety. The depression is still there from time to time too, but that is normal. We all have down days. 

I think the biggest reason I still feel weighed down from my anxiety and depression is because I am still taking medication to help deal with it. I told myself that when I had a good solid year under my belt I would start thinking about coming off the medication. For the most part, this past year has been a good solid year. So, at the end of the Summer and with the help of my doctor, I am going to attempt to get off my medication. I think once that happens I will finally feel free from my few years of struggle.

May 17, 2014- Strength

What do you find strength in?

The place where I find the most strength is in my family. They are always there to bring me up when I'm down, are the crutch when I need something to lean on, and are the motivation when I need to be pushed. When ever I am feeling weak I go to them. They give me strength by being there and listening. They offer advice sometimes, but mostly they are there to encourage. They are my rocks.

I've learned in the last few years I can find strength in myself as well. I am a strong person. I now that. When I have my doubts I look back at all I have done in the past, all my accomplishments, and all the things I have over come. Learning to gain strength in myself has been a huge accomplishment. It doesn't work all the time, but in those moments of doubts that is when I have my family to help remind me how strong I am.

May 16, 2014- Me Time

Do you spend time on yourself?

I spend time on myself almost every day. Most of the time is just spending some alone time each night before bed and watching television. It is my time to decompress. I also make time every day to write, which is important to me. When I really need to spend some me time I will make sure to pamper myself. This can be by getting my nails done, hair done, or anything else that makes me feel pretty and refreshed.

I truly believe that in order to be our best person for those around us, we need to make sure we take care of ourselves first. That means to me taking a minimum of five minutes each day where we do something for ourselves. By doing something each day that helps us to stay positive, recharged, and peaceful we will be the best version of ourselves we can be. I believe that most important time each day is the few minutes we spend on ourselves.

May 15, 2014- Cheat Day

Just getting home from dinner with a few girlfriends. One of them is moving to the next valley over, about a 20 minute freeway drive, so we had dinner at our favorite spot one last time. Now we know this won't be the last time we see her or the last time we eat there, but it was the last time we did it while all living in the same city. 

So, instead of writing a pre determined post, I am simply sharing what I did this evening.