May 30, 2014- A Day Without

I couldn’t go a day without…

I was going to say I couldn't go a day without writing, but yesterday I didn't write. It's because I will be visiting family on and off for the next week and I was too wrapped up in visiting them. So over the next week if I miss a day, it's because I'm too busy visiting. 

Tonight though, I'm ready to write. And I couldn't go a day without talking to my mom. I talk to her everyday, multiple times a day. I call her evey lunch break. I talk to her the morning before I leave for work. She is often the last person I talk to before I go to bed. In fact, my day is not complete unless I talk to her. 

May 28, 2014- Today

A year ago you felt... Now you feel…

I'm feeingl good. I feel like I have grown and changed from a year ago. I feel like I know myself better than I did a year ago. The anxiety and depression is no longer ruling my life, I am. I'm excited about things again, I feel calm inside, and I'm feeling like myself before all this happened. I am feeling like I'm closer to the person I have always wanted to be.

May 27, 2014- One Year Ago

How did you feel a year ago? Tomorrow write about how you feel now.

A year ago I was feeling pretty good. I was slowing down with the therapy I had been taking to help with my anxiety and depression. I was slowing down because I was doing well. Also, the antidepressant medication I had began taking a few months earlier was finally starting to kick in. I was starting to feel like myself again.

A year ago I was also a few months into writing my blog. I was feeling like I was meant to write it and helping others. This was due to the overwhelming response I was getting and feedback from family, friends, and strangers. This was motivation to keep doing well and moving forward.

I wouldn't say a year ago I was 100%, but I was definitely feeling better than I had in almost 2 years. I felt a new sense of hope and excitement. For the first time in awhile I was excited for the future. I was seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

May 26, 2014- My Heart

Where is your heart right now?

Right now my heart is in Montreal, Canada. In 3 days my parents are going up there for my friend's wedding and to visit family. Even though I have a few more days of work and packing before I go, I'm already there. My mind, my emotions, and my heart. They have arrived there before the rest of me has.

May 25, 2014- Free Day

Today is another free day so I thought I would share a video I saw recently that made me smile.

May 24, 2014- Old Soul

Do you feel younger or older than your actual age?

I definitely feel older than I am. One reason is because I have been through so much already. Growing up having to deal with health issues, you deal with a lot of heavy stuff at a young age. I don't feel like as a result that I missed out on a childhood or had to grow up faster, I just had more to deal with than the average kid. 

I am also very responsible and have been ever since I can remember. I have had more than person tell me that I am the most responsible person they know. I have always been responsible when it comes to work, money, and safety of myself and others. I have always acted like the "mom" no matter what group I have been apart of.

On the flip side, I feel younger at times. Part of it is because I still live at home. Never having the responsibility of keeping a household going makes me still feel like a kid. I also check in with my parents whenever I do things, not to get their permission but to keep them informed of what I'm doing.  It's because of this I still feel like a teenager at times.

Next week I will be turning 29 years-old. If I had to guess though, I would say I feel like I am in my mid to late thirties. That is how I feel. So not too much older than my actual age, but still young.  

May 23, 2014- I Am...

Finish this sentence. I am…

I am strong.

I am a good friend.

I am joyful.

I am creative.

I am peaceful.

I am talented.

I am awesome.

I am a good daughter.

I am hard working.

I am loyal.

I am responsible.

I am hopeful.

I am tough.

I am determined.

I am positive.

I am caring.

I am smart.

I am important.

I am blessed.

I am powerful.

I am calm.

I am loved.

I am beautiful.

I am purposeful.

I am reliable.

I am amazing.

I am valuable.

I am kind.

I am healthy.

I am a good aunt.

I am a writer.

I am love.

I am a good sister.

I am a SURVIVOR.

I am getting better every day.

May 22, 2014- Read A Book

What is a book you’ve been meaning to read for ages? Pick it up and start reading.

I have read the first 2 books of the Lorein Legacies books. There will be a total of 6 books released in the series. I have books 3 and 4, but have yet to read them. I hope I will be able to read the this summer.

May 21, 2014- Music

What genre of music do you most like to listen to? How does it make you feel?

I listen to all types of music, but my favorite is country. Growing up I hated country, but right around my 25th birthday I fell in love with it. Every time I listen to it it's hard for me to be sad. I get excited, happy, and carefree when I listen to it. the stories and emotions that country music provides is unlike any other genre. Even though I live in California, my heart is now country.

May 20, 2014- Fascinating

What fascinates you?

Something that fascinates me is birds. I love watching them fly. To have that ability and kind of freedom would be amazing. The way they move in the sky is so amazing, and calming, to watch.

May 19, 2014- One Word Lifestyle

In one word describe your lifestyle.

 Now, looking at that word...What do you love about it? What do you feel you want to change? How does the thought of changing it make you feel?

If I had to describe my lifestyle in one word it would be safe.

To me, I feel safe. I am very much a creature of habit and love consistency in my life. Surrounding myself in a positive environment, with people who I care about and who care about me, is when I thrive the most. I don't take a lot of risks, but I also don't avoid trying new things. I am very good about speaking up or stepping out when it would hold me back if I otherwise did not. I feel safe with myself, which is what I have been working towards these past few years.

When I look at the word safe I picture laying on the couch, wrapped up in a blanket, with nothing bad from the outside world being able to touch or harm me. The word safe is one those words that give me a warm, fuzzy feeling. For me, there is nothing wrong about the word safe. I love feeling and living safe.

The only thing I don't like about the word safe is the worry I get about getting stuck in a rut. I do love constancy, but I don't like complacency. I don't want to get stuck and be afraid to step out of my safety net when it's necessary. I don't want to change feeling safe, but I want to make sure my worry does not come true.

Changing my safe lifestyle scares me because I think the only way it will change is when the unexpected forces it to change. I can do things that will be unsafe out of my own free will and that is fine. It is the change that I am forced to do that makes me nervous. But like I have said in the past, I'm not as scared of the unexpected as I use to be. It definitely still is scary, but I know that I would be able to be handle it and get back to feeling safe.

May 18, 2014- Feeling Free

Do you feel free? If you don’t, what is it that’s weighing you down? How can you change your situation?

 Feeling free of unnecessary stress and strains is an important step towards achieving a sense of well-being.

I don't feel free. I still have some weight on my shoulders. There are two things that are weighing me down. The first, and least heavy, is that I still have debt I want to pay off. With having this debt, I can't start to save money to eventually move out on my own. Now I have done a lot in the past few months in making a huge dent in my debt, but I still have one credit card to go. I'm hoping to have that paid off by the end of Summer. (Note: I still have my car to pay off, but that is a 4 1/2 year commitment. It is not part of the weight of debt I feel holding me down.) When that final payment is made I will no longer feel weighed downed by it.

The other thing that makes me not feel free is I am still dealing with my issues with anxiety and depression. I have come a long way and I do not feel weighed down with anxiety anymore. Yes, I still have it from time to time. It's mostly when it is appropriate. Other times, it is so minimal that it doesn't even feel like I'm having anxiety. The depression is still there from time to time too, but that is normal. We all have down days. 

I think the biggest reason I still feel weighed down from my anxiety and depression is because I am still taking medication to help deal with it. I told myself that when I had a good solid year under my belt I would start thinking about coming off the medication. For the most part, this past year has been a good solid year. So, at the end of the Summer and with the help of my doctor, I am going to attempt to get off my medication. I think once that happens I will finally feel free from my few years of struggle.

May 17, 2014- Strength

What do you find strength in?

The place where I find the most strength is in my family. They are always there to bring me up when I'm down, are the crutch when I need something to lean on, and are the motivation when I need to be pushed. When ever I am feeling weak I go to them. They give me strength by being there and listening. They offer advice sometimes, but mostly they are there to encourage. They are my rocks.

I've learned in the last few years I can find strength in myself as well. I am a strong person. I now that. When I have my doubts I look back at all I have done in the past, all my accomplishments, and all the things I have over come. Learning to gain strength in myself has been a huge accomplishment. It doesn't work all the time, but in those moments of doubts that is when I have my family to help remind me how strong I am.

May 16, 2014- Me Time

Do you spend time on yourself?

I spend time on myself almost every day. Most of the time is just spending some alone time each night before bed and watching television. It is my time to decompress. I also make time every day to write, which is important to me. When I really need to spend some me time I will make sure to pamper myself. This can be by getting my nails done, hair done, or anything else that makes me feel pretty and refreshed.

I truly believe that in order to be our best person for those around us, we need to make sure we take care of ourselves first. That means to me taking a minimum of five minutes each day where we do something for ourselves. By doing something each day that helps us to stay positive, recharged, and peaceful we will be the best version of ourselves we can be. I believe that most important time each day is the few minutes we spend on ourselves.

May 15, 2014- Cheat Day

Just getting home from dinner with a few girlfriends. One of them is moving to the next valley over, about a 20 minute freeway drive, so we had dinner at our favorite spot one last time. Now we know this won't be the last time we see her or the last time we eat there, but it was the last time we did it while all living in the same city. 

So, instead of writing a pre determined post, I am simply sharing what I did this evening. 

May 14, 2014- Waiting For

What are you waiting for?

I'm waiting for my "adult" life to start. I'm finally at the point in my life that I'm ready for living in my own home, having a serious relationship, and maybe even starting a family. I'm not necessarily sitting around and just waiting for it. I'm working a full time job and paying off any debts I have in order to start saving to eventually have my own home. When it comes to starting my own family, I'm definitely open to it, but it is hard. I don't have a lot of time during the week to go out and unfortunately it is a little hard to meet new people in my circle. I will have to start considering alternative ways to meet new people. For right now though, I'm okay with starting on one goal at a time.

May 13, 2014- Free Day

Today there was no journal prompt. So instead I'm going to share with you a few things that made me smile today.

May 12, 2014- Breakfast in Bed

What is your favorite breakfast in bed?

I'm not really a breakfast person. the one breakfast I will always eat though is bagel and cream cheese. I like plain or sesame seed bagels the best, and my favorite cream cheese is whipped. To wash it all down, watermelon fruit juice is my choice.

Okay, now I'm hungry. 

May 11, 2014- Sick Again

I'm sick once again. I've been sick more often in these last 5 months than I was in the last 2 years. Maybe all my anxiety and depression was keeping the germs away!! 

Needless to say, I'm laying here with a nice pack on my neck and back. I just took a Tylenol, gargled with warm salt water, and used my netty pot to help clear my sinus. I'll probably watch a little television and be off to bed. Maybe a good night sleep is ahead and will be just what I need. 

May 10, 2014- Picture This

What is your favourite story or picture of your Mum as a child?

This is my favorite picture of my mom. I'm not sure how old she is in this picture, but I know she's so cute in it!!

May 9, 2014- Drink Tea

Where is the best place to drink tea?

I actually do not like to drink. In fact, minus the occasional soda, I hardly drink caffeine at all. The only time I drink tea is when my co-worker decides to be nice and buy me a passion tea lemonade, sweet. That is the only kind and only time  I drink tea.

May 8, 2014- Smell

If your mother was a scent, what would it be? Tea leaves, rose hand cream and freshly washed sheets? What can you smell?

If my mom was a scent she would be warm vanilla sugar from the store Bath and Body Works. Growing up, we would get her lotion and body wash in that scent every Christmas. Whenever I see it or smell it I think of my mom. 

May 7, 2014- Home Cooked Meal

What is your favorite home-cooked meal of your Mum’s?

My favorite thing my mom cooks is actually a dessert. She makes a homemade cheesecake that is my absolute favorite. She found in a cookbook my elementary school put out as a fundraiser. Now, whenever it is my birthday or the holidays, she will make it. And I LOVE it!

May 6, 2014- Anything For Mum

If you could do anything for your Mum, what would you do?

If I could do anything for my mom I would love to send her, our entire immediate and extended family, and all her close friends on a trip to Switzerland. Switzerland is at the top of her must travel to list and the Swiss Alps are on her must see. I would to be able to let her experience it with all her loved ones.

May 5, 2014- Best Qualities

What three qualities describe your Mum best?

My mom's three best qualities are:

1.) She is the most selfless person I know. She will go above and beyond to do anything for anyone. In fact, I think when she is doing something for someone else is when she is the happiest.

2.) My mom can start a conversation with anyone. She is so personable and can become friends with anyone.

3.) My mom is also one of the most hard working people I know. Sometimes this is her down fall because she never seems to relax, but it was this example of hard work that myself and my siblings have taken from her.

May 4, 2014- Hey Mom

What would you like to tell your Mum?

Every time I hear the song below I think of my Mom. It is definitely everything I would say to her for everything she has done for me in my life up until this point and what she will continue to do for me.

May 3, 2014- Life Without

Can you imagine life without your Mum? What is it like?

Life without my Mum is actually my biggest fear in life. The day that I worry about the most is actually the day that I loose my mom. So I don't even want to imagine what it is like without her. I know it will be very hard.

For me, she is my comfort. I go to her to talk things out and for advice. She is the one person that helps calm me down when I need it and makes me feel safe. I know it might sound weird to some, but I actually like hanging out with my Mum as much as possible. Without her, I don't know where I would be. She is my rock and my best friend.

May 2, 2014- Mother Earth

We're sitting on our blessed Mother Earth from which we get our strength and determination, love and humility - all the beautiful attributes that we've been given. So turn to one another; love one another; respect one another; respect Mother Earth; respect the waters - because that's life itself. - Phil Lane Sr.

My favorite quote about Mother Earth/Nature:

The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quiet, alone with the heavens, nature and God. Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be and that God wishes to see people happy, amidst the simple beauty of nature. 

-Anne Frank 

May 1, 2014- Mother

Mother is a verb, not a noun – Proverb.

May is the month we celebrate Mothers all over the world for Mother's Day. Your mother, your grandmother, their mothers... What does the word ‘mother’ mean to you?

To me mother means caregiver. She is the one that raises us and teaches us what it means to be kind, caring, and supply never ending love by being the example of all of this. Mother means being selfless, not by having to but by choice. Mother also means friend, secret sharer, and provider. To be a mother is to be a leader.

Being a mother does not mean you are perfect, but it means trying your best to be. It means that you will always have an unlimited supply of encouraging words, advice, and hugs. It means sharing a part of yourself with the world. A mother is the one who gives life and helps to raise that life. Mother simply means love.

Me and My Mother